Why Me?
Why me? I've felt that question bubble up from time to time throughout my life. Sometimes we say it in our darkest times, but I hear it in and around me when people feel overwhelmed. Balancing work and family has become too much. Bills are catching up with us. Dreams aren't being realized and we are feeling like we are in the same old rut. Layoffs happen or another responsibility is added on to our already full list. We all have lamented our own "Why him or her?" when we hear of a life cut too short.
I heard something at a funeral that changed my life. The person who died was a childhood friend of mine from church who became a colleague of mine during my teaching years. He died in his forties from cancer with two young daughters and a loving wife at home. Before his death, Jim wrote a letter to read to those attending his funeral.
The squirm among the congregation was palpable when the pastor announced that he would be reading the eulogy that Jim prepared himself. The letter began with a statement acknowledging he realized those hearing his words would be asking their own "Why" questions. Why did Jim have to be taken so soon and why did he write his own eulogy (or maybe how was he able to)? He stated that he had his own "why me?" moments throughout his illness. His words quickly moved away from those acknowledgements to a new way of thinking.
The question Jim challenged us with was "Why NOT me?" He talked about how he realized that he was not more special than someone else. His life was not different or more important. He realized that life has no guarantees for easiness, smooth sailing and free of hardships. He pushed further with his words of faith. The only guarantee he had was on the other side of this life given to him through God's mercy and love for him.
Whether or not you are a person of faith, the "Why NOT me?" question can lift us out of ourselves and into a different reaction to our problems. Many challenges and hardships in our lives are not in our control. How we react to our problems is in our control. Facing a challenge with the knowledge that everyone faces challenges and no one is opted out of problems helps us to feel not alone. It may spark the courage you need to face it head on.
For me, hearing that question at that funeral changed my life. It would bolt into my thinking as I faced the diagnosis of my son, Alex, with a disease that has a very poor prognosis a few years later. It allowed me to ask a different question. Instead of "Why me?", I was able to say "OK, this is the hand we have been dealt. What are we to do with this?" We were able to pray about how we would use this circumstance to help others in whatever small or big ways we could. It helped us cling to those same guarantees that Jim talked about when we weren’t sure whether Alex would make it off life support during his crisis, and when he did, how long would he live with the disease with such a poor prognosis.
Our life with a child with special needs and unique medical needs has not been easy. There have been rough spots and times filled with concern when he's been ill. It isn't expected to hear the words "happy" and "child's illness" in the same story, but it happens. By wrestling with our feelings to get us to the point where we see the value we bring through both the good and challenges of our lives to others, we have found so many opportunities to live life to its fullest and let Alex's zest for life inspire our own and so many others.
The "Why NOT me" philosophy has helped us move through stages of upset and grief when my husband lost a job and money was tight. It helped us look at the joy we created by getting back to the simple. Christmas gifts were handmade and heartfelt. We made different choices, but felt the power of working together as a family to stay safe with our financial situation. "Why Not Me?" moves your feet onto the road of positivity out of the mud of self-pity. It can help you see the experiences you're going through can be opportunities for personal growth as well as anchors for others who learn from you.
Asking "Why NOT me?" is not a magical phrase that makes everything feel right in the midst of a challenge. It reminds you of your place in this world, the options you have in how to respond to a challenge and it allows a path for your thinking to move from fear and worry to a different understanding that can change you, your peace and the world through what you bring it.
