First Days
These are the days when our Facebook feeds and Instagram are filled with “first day of school pictures”. First days of the next grade, first day s of kindergarten, college, high school. So many new adventures and beginnings.
For almost 30 years I had a new beginning each year with a new class of kiddos. I got to share the excitement with kids and families as we embarked on a new journey together. For almost 30 years I got to set the tone of the year with my parents at open house early in the year. With all the excitement of a new year, there is anxiety, too. Unfamiliar routines and new expectations often rises nervousness over confidence.
A wider lens is what I encouraged parents to use. I’d ask if they remembered what grade they got in 5th grade social studies. Chuckles would rise from the group, as I reminded them their child would have the same experience. Increasing knowledge and developing skills is truly important, but the life skills of work ethic, problem solving, interpersonal skills, developing age appropriate independence and time management and encouraging self – esteem and self-confidence will carry our students farther than their current grade level report cards.
Looking at projects, school work and time commitments through that lens helps us as parents ask questions and set up home routines and expectations that focus on life, simplicity, and joy. It also helps families recognize where schedules and demands put stressors in their lives.
All this is not to say that grades, deadlines and classroom expectations are not important or that you become adversaries with the teachers or never do anything outside the home! The point I am making is that too many parents put such a premium on grades and test scores versus recognizing that sometimes the lesson is found in a less than “A” grade test or project. Perhaps the final outcome resulted in a C grade, but your child learned that waiting until the last minute was not going to result in “superstar” help from mom or dad. Maybe they learned about how their method of studying for a test needed some tweaking for the next time or maybe they learned the pride and sense of accomplishment in doing something themselves from start to finish, because time was figured into what the family schedule looks like to allow plenty of work time and minimal action from parents.
There is so much pressure on kiddos to be a part of every extracurricular activity or sports teams with multiple practices a week that keep families from sharing meals most nights. There may be pressure, but there is no rule. It is a family decision you make in creating the family values YOU want.
Encourage, encourage, encourage! PPCMP! Prayer, Prayer, Conversation and More Prayer. Our greatest weapon as warriors for our children is to not only truly spend time in prayer for them, but let them know. Talk about their days. Hear their little details and pray about them. Pray for their protection, their comings and goings, the friends they will meet and their teachers. Pray WITH them and let them hear you encouraging them…not praying the give me what I want prayers, but for their joy, their confidence, that love will define them, that they will have friendships that will strengthen and support them and for wisdom to do what is right and resources to defeat the negative…. and pray they connect with God. What a blessing for it to feel as natural as breathing for your child to see you and hear you pray quickly and simply for them.
Let your kiddos know you believe in them and their own abilities. Remind them you trust them to make good decisions. Don’t overpraise either in content or amount. Praise them sincerely and honestly, be specific and not overly effusive or sweeping. Praise effort and process. Help children develop intrinsic motivation and encourage them to set goals for study time, play time, chores and more. Helping your kiddos see the free time they have in the week and plop in their responsibilities makes it easier to help them stick to it! Remember that it is your goal to help them grow in independence each year! Keep finding ways to step back. Stay positive and lead with love.
Enjoy the journey with all its bumps and beauty!
